Tangible

I met Death, and he was amused by me.

Maybe it was my confused and bewildered look, or maybe I smelled a certain way.  Maybe it was my frightened and lost tone of voice, or maybe I just plain looked funny.  Either way the whirling around of thoughts in my muddled mind did not help any.

"You don't know what you want," Death said to me.

"This is what I want," I said sure of myself and what I felt.

Death looked down at his watch.  The time was not right I guess for he laughed, winked at me, and then turned and vanished.

I now stood alone in the bright courtyard.  The sun shone down and reflected brilliantly off the new fallen snow.  A tree that was dead with gnarled , old branches stood next to me at my right side.  And to my left there was a small bird sitting upon a small fountain.  The bird pecked at the frozen water, and occasionally the small creature let out a chirp.  One side was death (the dead tree) and the other side was life (the small bird).  But even the side of life there was not peace or happiness.  In fact there was much hardship and struggle as the bird continued to try and get water, but to no avail.  I knew the water was frozen, but the bird did not seem to understand that.

I began walking home.  My lazy feet dragged through the snow soaking my socks and shoes and the bottoms of my pants.  I did not care.  The ability to give a shit had long since passed away and I was now only focused on one thing: my journey home.

A rustle in the bushes to my left made me jump a little.  It was nice to be startled though.  The feeling sort of kept me in reality in a way.  Out from the bushes came a small cat, a baby most likely.  It saw me and stood still hoping I would not see him.  I did not just see a kitten before me, but a living, breathing, normal creature.  I felt normal, id only for a second, seeing that little kitten with its dark, wondering eyes and its soft, fluffy fur.  Then, it walked away, almost taking my sanity with it, and again I began to descend into that dark, deep hole that was now my mind.

But I knew that was not the end.  Deep down I knew hope existed, somewhere, somehow.  I continued to walk thinking of friends and of family; loved ones and those who cared about me and were always looking out for me.  I felt comforted, I almost felt alive.

And alive was good.  I felt like I was a bran new toy just out of the factory, ready to hit the shelves and start a new life of helping others and making them happy.  Alive was more than good, it was great, it was awesome, it was pure amazing!  I was so ready to be alive, and I finally was.

Now I approached a crosswalk.  The light was green and cars sped up and down the road all in a hurry as people rushed to get wherever they were trying to get to.  The signal was a stop sign saying I could not walk yet.  So I stopped and waited for the walk signal.  I waited and waited some more.  I began to grow impatient as I stood there and the cars continued to zoom by.  As I began to get angry I realized that I had neglected to press the button on the light pole.  All this time it had been my problem that I had not started to do something about.  I had not taken the first step in finding a solution.  Feeling sheepish, I pressed the button and waited.  Soon after the signal said I could walk.  So I did.  I walked on.